drewidlife (Andrew Boardman) is a lifelong New Hampshire resident with a passion for digital creations. He has been using PCs since 1995 (when he was 4), playing games and reading message boards (since 2003). He enjoys studying various topics on reddit and spends a good amount of time curating his Facebook and Instagram feed. He also partakes in various discord communities.With a newfound passion for digital art (using AI tech), drewid plans on expanding his photography, editing and blogging hobbies into an online platform. That is, drewidlife.

From eloquent writing to creative photography and AI design, @drewidlife represents all the digital creations of a modern cyber-hermit.Diagnosed with schizophrenia at a young age, @drewidlife has experienced the many ups-and-downs that come with mental illness. His struggle is documented through his online journal (a culmination of his social accounts + his own website) so his friends and family, as well as outsiders can relate and find common ground with his journey.An agoraphobe and hermit-at-heart, @drewidlife spends most of his time local to his hometown. Having grown up in a well-to-do family and community, he now faces the battle of living at the poverty line on a limited income. Trying to keep his head above water is a common theme in his writing.Through struggles with mental illness and addiction, @drewidlife has come to learn a lot about himself and the nature of being. From moments of meditation to finding himself in the midst of chaos, he seeks peace and clarity in a world and time that many people find themselves lost in.With the advent of emergent AI technology, @drewidlife looks to combine digital creation with old-school pen-to-paper style journaling and photography. He has ventures into the fashion-design world (with a line of his own brand found on his online store), graphic design, web design, blogging, food and beverage reviews, homebrewing, pipe tobacco reviews, and a whole archive of daily records living with his condition (check out his social accounts on Facebook and Instagram).Onward and Upwards 👆

Books

• Siva and his Tale

• The Hateful One

Discord: drewidlife.
Steam: drewidlife

drewid lives at home with his black cat 🐈‍⬛ , Koomba in his apartment in Laconia, NH.Having lived in the Lakes Region his whole life (growing up in Gilford), he loves the close proximity to the lakes and mountains and finds the area beautiful.His family is close-by and his friends stop by to visit from time-to-time. It's cold for 6 months of the year and he spends the summers having lunch at different restaurants in the area with his mother, Teresa.He enjoys walking, tennis, soccer, skiing and longboarding, although these hobbies have become less frequent as he gets older — due to his physical health issues and age.

Drewidlife (2026 - now):
FounderWalmart (2018 - 2019):
Fresh CAP 2
Lawn and GardenMagic Method Skateboards LLC (2016-2017):
Videographer (volunteer)Lyons Den Restaurant and Tavern (2010, 2013-2016, 2019):
DishwasherMeadowbrook Bank of New Hampshire Pavilion (2008):
Parking Attendant

• TribalWar
• Something Awful
• Pipes and Cigars
• SmokingPipes
• Radio Garden
• reddit

June 27, 2026

Three new shirt designs up on the gift shop. The "America 250th" Tee, "Capture the Flag" Tee and "Living the drewidlife" Tee. Puttin' in work, son!

June 15, 2026

Alternate store launched. Visit the gift shop under "website info". The main store will be replaced with the gift shop in a couple months

June 14, 2026

Two new documents added to Filez. A story not told is a story lost to time

June 10, 2026

First two orders from the drewidlife store arrived successfully! Two happy customersAlternate launch pad created — find it on the "website info" page

June 6, 2026

Site draft #1 finished! A-Z navigation completed

June 4, 2026

100 3x3" custom drewidlife stickers from The Sticky Brand arrive. Slapping these bad boys all over

May 31, 2026

Second page of "creationz" added. So many creationz, so little page space

May 30, 2026

Second drewidlife shirt received. Custom "Streamer" / digital creator tee, available on the store

May 28, 2026

Custom drewidlife Anubis graphic tee received. Fits perfect, looks cool. Updated "Gaming" section

May 27, 2026

7-OH recovery journey posted under "Other" page

May 23, 2026

Runaway Fermentations established. Drewid's homebrew-style wine becomes a reality

All cash advance apps paid off. Finances are caught up

May 21, 2026

22 new drewidlife stickers from Avery arrive

May 19, 2026

Store opened. Custom drewidlife products available

May 15, 2026

50 custom drewidlife business cards, custom mousepad and custom pen received from VistaPrint

May 11, 2026

10-pack of custom drewidlife stickers received from StickerMule

May 10, 2026

drewidlife.com established

drewid survey

name

drew

age

35

location

new hampshire

favorite color

blue 🔵/ orange 🍊

favorite food

tacos 🌮 / pizza 🍕

favorite movie

The Mummy (1999)

favorite album

Days of the New (Yellow) & (Green)

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live."

Bukowski

"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear."

George Addair

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out."

Robert Collier

New Week

New Week. (June 22, 2026)
Watching Better Call Saul for the first time. Good show. Breaking Bad was one of my favorites and this is pretty similar.Still no vehicle. Spent most of the loan I got last month, mostly on getting caught up financially and spending 💰 on business-related expenses (getting the website set up, some custom products and a little advertising).Looks like we'll be okay for the rest of the year, as long there aren't any emergency expenses or I get stupid with my money again (which tends to happen when I drink).We're talking about potentially getting a different living situation for me and my sister. We've lived in this apartment for 13 years and my parents think it's time for something else. No prospects yet but they just got situated for the summer, and got hit hard by a surprise storm this past weekend. Lotta downed trees, lost power etc...The website is mostly finished, I have a bunch of products up on the store and I'm still writing weekly updates. Not too many other ideas 💡 or inspiration to work on this week...I was talking to my employment specialist on my mental health team about potential moves (discussing potentially going back to school or possible jobs in the area), but she's transitioning to a case-manager position soon instead so I won't be working with her anymore regarding that stuff. They don't have another employment person on the team yet.I haven't come up with too many ideas of what I'd like to do or even what I could do with employment. I've thought maybe working for a radio 📻 station or newspaper would be cool — more-creative work instead of menial toiling. But my meds make it so I'm tired a lot and can't really stand up for long. My anxiety and depression work against me in a big way too. I've been isolated for the past 6 years.The voices make me feel unsafe sometimes. It's really hard living with this condition and makes it so I rarely leave the house unaccompanied. Feel like I've done something wrong that I must atone for... Not sure what, but the impending doom feeling still comes and goes a lot.Just happy my Mom is back up here and we get to have lunch each week. No more lunch beers.~drewidlife

Same Old Selfies

Still taking the same selfies I was taking 13 years ago. Not much has changed. I pretty much bottomed-out in this apartment. While there is a chance I might be able to get out of here this year, it's still up in the air.Definitely 💯 have reached a point of stagnation. Despite designing my own brand (drewidlife), website, clothing line and redesigning my wardrobe, my life is still fundamentally the same as it was when I moved here in July of 2013.A couple different jobs, seeing friends pack up and leave the area, my brother getting married, my parents moving... And I'm still the same old boring guy. I really thought I would have experienced more by this age, but my self-doubts and fears made that an unreality.I'm worse off mentally and physically than I was back then. My demons have gotten bigger. My fears prevent me from doing a lot of things. My money situation means every year is a struggle. I don't get excited about job openings and I've isolated myself. Last year I was deep in 7-OH addiction and spent months being sick, hiding in the dark.I've lost contact with most of my old friends. People online seem depressed and are negative about a lot of things. I don't know anymore.

Pepsi Zero Wild Cherry 🍒 & Cream Review

As a big fan of Pepsi Zero, the Wild Cherry & Cream is a surprisingly decent variation of the original.Reminiscent of whipped cream 🍨, or even those fruit 🍓 and cream Creme Savers I used to have as a kid, the flavor comes through strongly with a hint of cherry 🍒 in the background.Am I a fan? Yes. The first sip upon trying it for the first time kind-of took me for a ride. It was a taste I had never had before, so it kind-of surprised me. Like other new flavors I've had in the past, it took some getting used to. By the 3rd or 4th bottle, I started to really enjoy it.Although I haven't had their regular "Wild Cherry 🍒" flavor, the cream version is definitely a nice addition to the Pepsi lineup.Would buy again.
4/5 ⭐

Test Strips

So my PCP put in an order for test strips at the local Walgreens. Before that I had been using the Auvon blood glucose monitor, available on Amazon. We had to pay full price. This time it was covered by insurance. Well, the test strips at least. Still had to buy the monitor and lancets at full price.So now at least I have the new monitoring system, which should last a long time. It's the FreeStyle Lite. The pharmacist said I can also get the lancets covered by insurance too if I call my PCP and ask.So now I've got two working glucose monitors. The prescription is a 50-day supply (50 test strips), so I can only check my blood sugar once a day. Kind of a bummer, 'cause I like to check it more often than that (I like to know my numbers before and after meals).Might end up buying more test strips and lancets for the old device (the Auvon), just so I can test more often. And I can still get a decent supply covered by insurance. I like the test strips for the Auvon better too, as you can see the blood being drawn in, unlike the FreeStyle.Anyway, my A1C is down to 6.3, from 10-something last year. Doing better, avoiding sugar and sweets (drinking zero sugar soda). Still don't need insulin yet so here's to hoping we can maintain a healthy level.

Health Update June 2026

Had a doctor's 🏥 appointment with my PCP on Wednesday. We've been monitoring my blood sugar since it was diabetic level last winter (10 something). A couple months ago it was 8.5 and now (this most recent checkup) it came down to 6.3! That's almost non-diabetic range.My blood pressure is good too, 122/86. I've been taking Glipizide and Pioglitazone to bring my blood glucose down, and Valsartan for high blood pressure. Haven't really changed my diet or activity levels too much (still doing the treadmill here and there), but I did cut way back on the drinking (2-3 glasses of wine per week instead of a 6-pack of beer or more daily).I'm up to 235lbs from 200 (this past winter). The Suboxone I take daily has increased my appetite big-time. But at least my A1C is down.Supposed to get a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) but Walgreens is waiting on insurance approval. Still pricking my finger a couple times a day, which I don't mind.And that's just the physical side of this health journey. My mental health care is provided by the local MH clinic, and I'm on a few other meds under their umbrella. It's a lot — a lot of appointments, meds, and lifestyle adjustments just to stay healthy. And I'm only 35! Boozin' and smokin', eating greasy foods and not exercising will do that to you.Stay on top of that shit!
~drewidlife 2026

College E-Sports

Today I learned about NACE:NACE National Association of Collegiate Esports (NACE): The largest non-profit governing body for varsity collegiate esports, with over 200 member schools.It's cool that colleges and universities are enabling students to start and join e-sports teams. I find e-sports fascinating and think it's great that schools are allowing students to find a way to interact with other gamers.It gives them something to do other than the traditional physical sports or clubs. I was a gamer before, during and after college and think it's a great and emerging hobby and industry. With the mass proliferation of decent gaming computers available for affordable prices, people can get into the massive world of gaming without needing to invest more than a few hundred to a couple thousand dollars (consoles vs high-end gaming rigs).I can envision e-sports teams emerging from various schools and would enjoy watching college tournaments (like basketball but for gamers). 🎮I'm still part of a few gaming communities (mainly Discord-based) and occasionally partake, although not as frequently as when I was younger. Still, it's better that young people have something fun and engaging to do besides partying and drugs. And the gaming-world gets bigger and more-complex every day (with fans able to watch on sites like Twitch and YouTube).

Suboxone

So. Suboxone.I've been on it since late February. I had just gotten out of rehab a month before for 7-OH and kratom addiction. After a couple weeks out I had resumed taking 7-OH, but only for a week before my counselor brought me to The Doorway at Concord Hospital in Laconia. The Doorway is a gateway to detox and rehab services.They couldn't get me into rehab again due to insurance issues (plus I didn't want to go back after only being out for a couple weeks), but they directed me to The Recovery Clinic in Franklin to see if I could get on a Suboxone regimen.The doctors there thought it would be a good idea, although starting at a low dose (2mg x twice a day) since I was using less than 100mg of 7-OH for only about a week.It worked. It kept me off the bad shit and my body regulated itself so I could eat and sleep properly again (I had issues with this prior to starting the Subs). My appetite returned and I was sleeping every night. I also didn't have any cravings to return to the kratom or 7-OH.After a month I upped the dose to 2mg x three times a day. I found myself counting down the hours between doses when I was only taking it twice a day. Adding a third dose got rid of this.I've been doing a lot better. Still eating and sleeping fine and no desire to use 7-OH again. I've been on it almost 3 months now. 93 days clean now.~drewidlife 2026

The Digiscape

It's true. As soon I start designing my own brand, now all I see on my feed are other people promoting their own brands. Everyone nowadays is a content creator. Everyone is trying to sell something.I don't mind — the Internet is founded on people creating digital content. It's just funny how, in the capitalist realm, everything is a brand or product. Music, art, media — it's all commercialized.Gotta play the game. Build your empire. Promote. Sell your product. Compete against your fellow man. Monetize. Make that money, son.I'm happy with my allotment in life. Worked for the stuff I have. Instead of chasing bigger and more luxurious, I've resigned to taking it easy and keeping it minimal. More time, less money 💰.I enjoy the content creation as a way of expressing myself. Something creative to keep myself busy and productive. Learning a lot about business, web design, selling, promotion, graphic design, AI utilization, all that good stuff. The more content people create, the more vast the digiscape.I just imagine a galaxy where everyone creates their own brand, their own image, identity, what have you. It's the modern world 🌎.

The Loan That Saved My Life

So this past weekend I was able to secure a loan for $1,500. Ever since my Walmart days (2018-2019), I was in the habit of using cash advance apps (Dave, Cleo etc...) where I'd borrow money from my next check a couple weeks before I got paid, and then pay it back with interest (service fees) when I got my check.This cycle would continue all throughout Covid and up to the present timeline. I started borrowing $2-300, and then as time progressed the apps would gain confidence in my ability to pay them back and gradually give bigger advances.This would mean that by the end of it, as of now, I was borrowing $7-800 every month, and when my check hit, almost 3/4 of it was paid back to the stupid apps. Then I would have to borrow more just to pay bills.It got so bad that I was begging my Mom for money to bail me out, and even with that I was still falling behind.Luckily, with the loan I got this past weekend, I was able to pay off all those stupid apps and be free and clear. Now when I get my next check, I get to keep the whole thing. I just have a small monthly payment to pay off the loan for awhile, but it's better than living under the threat of eviction and having your power shut off.I should take my friend's advice and just uninstall those cash advance apps and never touch them again. Being trapped in the cycle can last years, and even snowball into worsening financial situations.Thank God for financial services. I think paying this loan off on time will even build my credit 💳, too.~drewidlife 2026

Old Phone Technology

Circa 2010... BlackBerry Curve. Had one while in college at UNH. I remember being able to check emails on it was the coolest thing. Lost one in the dorm bathroom or something and my Mom was gracious enough to order me a replacement.
It was a step-up from the flip-phones I used in high school but was the last time I was free from "phone addiction" that sprouted 🌱 a few years later with the introduction of smartphones.
It's crazy to think how much my life and daily habits have changed since then. Technology has moved at such a rapid pace during my lifetime. It's truly incredible. Now I carry around a 5lb clunker of a phone that contains the whole Internet and all the functions of a desktop 🖥️ PC in one device.
Where are we gonna be in 10 years? It's insane.

Tonic - The Best Album of the 90s

Drew'z Album of the Year 2025.
Tonic - Lemon Parade (1996)
After remembering the hit song "If You Could Only See", released as a single in 1997, I went and dug into the whole album. To my surprise, it was full of bangers. Definitely not a one-hit-wonder thing going on.
It's got that classic 90s Alternative feel to it. Lotta power behind these songs - they're catchy, memorable with great production quality. A lot of the songs on the album feel like they could've been radio hits.
Great songwriting, both lyrically and melodically. The 90s weren't just a great time for music, media and art, but a special time in every Millennial's life. The kind of music that came out in that decade hasn't been recreated since.
It was a time when music videos and record deals were still huge. All your friends and family were on the same page - everyone knew all the big hits. Now everything is fractured, with streaming, underground releases, and emerging communities and subcultures. I can show my friends 100s of artists and songs that they haven't heard, and they can do the same for me. Anyone with a computer or phone can record, produce and release music nowadays.
That 90s aesthetic will always stick with me in the back of my mind - the style of the music videos and jewel case art, the catchy choruses and band names that are ubiquitously recognized. I'm still going back and finding great stuff from artists that I only heard a couple songs from growing up.

Manic Mornings

I get so manic in the mornings when the sun is shining. I get so hyped on Life. I'm so happy to be alive sometimes and constantly amazed how incredible everything is. I've given up all substances other than caffeine and nicotine yet I've never felt so elated.
This does contrast to my propensity for painful lows. I was originally diagnosed as Bi-Polar during my first stint at the mental hospital, because I would get these episodes of mania and unexplainable energy. I'd act out and the people around me were concerned for me, but I was going through a powerful spiritual awakening and was experiencing things I never had before.
My ultimate goal for my Life was to be free - to not be trapped in your typical career or 9-5. I'm so grateful to have an income and not be forced to go to some job I despise.
There's still so much out there that I want to do - places to explore, hobbies to try. I've achieved half of my dream. I'm free timewise, but financially I'm still limited to my small city and lifestyle. I never really wanted fame, mainly just a nice place to call home and maybe a companion to share this life with.
I'm drinking a homemade caramel iced coffee, making more ice with my handy ice machine, placed a small order for food essentials that will be delivered today, I just went through and deep-cleaned my entire apartment, I fixed my mountain bike that was broken for 13 years, I'm in the process of redoing my wardrobe and redecorating my place, I'm constantly meeting with my therapy team and discussing life and prospects for the future, I'm in good standing with family, staying sober (for the most part), and it's finally getting warmer after a brutal winter.
Life is Good. Happy to be here. Let's keep going!
~Drew 2026 See less

Sleepless Nights

No sleep again. Been this way for a few years — sleepless nights, sometimes multiple in a row.
My body is so exhausted sometimes. Barely have the energy to stand up. The voices in my head threaten me and make it so I can't stop thinking at night. I abuse caffeine to counteract the sleeplessness. Which just contributes to the cycle.
I just got back from Rehab a month ago and I'm already starting to spiral again. Feels like my life is over. I can't work in this condition, but my therapists tell me not to worry about it. I'm behind on bills and spend a lot of time worrying about shit.
The isolation adds to the stress. Grateful I still have a few people I can talk to. I'll browse Reddit but just see lots of people struggling as well. It feels like we're on the precipice of a dark chapter in Earth's history. Things seem to be getting darker as the days go by.
I fear The End. I think we all do. But I try to hold onto Hope. Life always finds a way.

Live Free or Die

Just got home from a 28-day stint at Live Free Recovery in Keene, NH.
This was my first time in treatment for substance use. I've struggled with alcohol and other substances for quite some time now, as many of you know.
It was a very eye-opening experience. Living in a big house with 18 other guys, sharing a small kitchen and living spaces. The house was very clean and had an interesting vibe.
The first week I had a roommate but was given my own room after. Every morning we would leave the house 🏠 in big white vans and meet up with the other house at a clinical office 10 minutes down the road. It was a classroom type setting where we would do group work or watch movies. There were rooms for therapy and case work. We would have lunch there during the week and leave around 3pm. We would get a smoke break every hour.
We were allowed to smoke or vape but obviously no drugs or alcohol, and you couldn't have your phone. The food was pretty good, three meals a day and dessert. There was a deck where we could smoke.
The staff was cool and friendly, and helped me stick with the program even though I wanted to leave after the first week. I got sick 🤢 the second week and also spent Christmas and New Year's there.
We'd watch music videos in the morning and drink coffee, and at 7pm we'd have a mandatory group meeting where we had a topic and would go around and tell our stories. I got over my fear of public speaking and feel more confident in myself.
I've been sober 28 days now and am glad I completed the program. Made a couple friends and did some journaling.
It feels good to be home again.
Peace
~Drew 2026

Diabeetus

Just got back from the Doc appointment.
The first thing they did was take a finger-prick blood test for my A1C (blood sugar), so I knew something was up. I hadn't been to the Doc since July but was in the ER in August where they tested my blood and it was normal.
I guess the A1C from July was 10 something, when healthy range is below 6.5. So that means I'm diabetic. I guess my love for soda, alcohol, sweet tea and iced coffee finally caught up to me.
She put me on Metformin twice a day which, along with diet and exercise, should lower it. All my past blood tests prior to this have had normal levels. So I'm kinda shocked still.
I admit I haven't made the healthiest choices lately, but I did quit drinking almost entirely and am down 30 pounds since July, and my blood pressure today was 121 / 86, which is good. Curious about the results from today's test.
Sigh. I guess we're doing mostly water 🌊 now and maybe a little Zero Sugar soda. Bummed out. Oh well, we're gonna get this under control. Gotta change my diet too and try to hit the treadmill more.
Onward and upward.

11 Days in the Hospital: Pancreatitis

Welp. After 10 years of drinking beer every night and the hard stuff for 2 years, I was diagnosed with pancreatitis and just spent the past week in the hospital. I'm still there actually, but likely to be discharged soon.
I went from a hard-core pothead to a daily alcoholic due to my mental illness. I still had to find a way to relax and "chill" at the end of the day. I'd get home from work at the restaurant and drink 2 or 3 IPAs at 10pm before waking up and going to a morning shift. I was never a binge-drinker... I wouldn't hold back during the work week just to get hammered on the weekend. I was slow, cautious, and careful drinker. 3 strong beers and a good meal was usually all it took for me to have a good day and sleep all night.
After refraining from the hard stuff until I hit 30, I got bored one day during lockdown and bought some vodka. It took 6 months to finish that small bottle. Then one day I was out of beer, said screw it, and mixed it into some Mountain Dew and was hooked. Soon I was buying a handle a week, to 2/week, all the way to my worst at 3/week. I had some recurring stomach issues and took antacids and Prilosec OTC to fight the pain. A couple bouts of upper abdomen pain, questionable bathroom episodes, and I was keeled-over in horrible pain one morning. Pacing around, sitting and laying aren't comfortable, calling my Mom to help me. Got brought to the ER and was thoughtfully cared-for by a team of great, helpful people.
I've been reading about alcoholism and have been in online support groups and forums for over a year now. I love drinking, but I love life more.
Each time I go back down that hole, it will get worse. To my remaining friends and family who I haven't lost due to isolation - I'm sorry I've been distant and lame these past few years. I miss going for hikes, meet-ups for sports, get-togethers. To my friends I've shared drinks with over the past few years - I had fun, we had good times, but I gotta find a new lifestyle. And it's gonna be hard.
~Drew
2022

Day 113

Day 113. Just took my first sub (2mg) of the day. Still doing the sub maintenance. Doc and my therapy team think I'm doing well on it, so we're staying on it for now. Can't really notice any major downsides.Haven't touched kratom or 7 in 113 days. Pretty proud of that. No cravings either. My life was shit back when I was taking 7 everyday — family and friends turned against me, sleeping and eating problems, throwing up etc. Doing much better now.I think kratom has some benefits, and it's more easily-managed than 7. But I still think I'm gonna stay away for now. I sleep well every night and my appetite is stronger than ever. Sober from everything except caffeine/nicotine and the very-occasional glass of wine.Still working on my website and online store. Gives me something to do while being unemployed. Financially we're looking a lot better than last winter, all caught up on bills and debts. No car but it's less headache not owning one when you barely drive. Don't think it's in the cards right now.Onward and upwards

Day 102

Day 102. Had lunch with my Mom yesterday. The day started out kinda rough, I think my blood sugar was low cuz I was shaky and not feeling that great. Once I got some food I felt better. The weather has been nice lately.Still on subs, 2mg 3x/day. Just got refilled for another month yesterday at the clinic. Doc thinks I'm maintaining well. Keeps me off the other shit. Gained some weight these past couple months, up to 230lb+ from 200 this past winter.Still have 2-3 days a week where I have a couple glasses of wine. Sometimes my body just gets too tense that it's the only thing in my arsenal that takes the edge off. Usually helps relax me.The voices have been bad this past week (schizophrenic). Get freaked out by shit I see on FB reels which makes me anxious. Need to stay away from the socials more I think. Not much else to really do without a job when you don't game or have outside hobbies.

Day 95

Day 95. No 7/kratom. Still getting waves of bodily anxiety that gets worse when it's nice out (bright + sunny). Feel like Gollum, I do a lot better mentally when it's dark and rainy out, or at night time.I've had the anxiety for years now, and would typically self-medicate with alcohol whenever I felt uneasy. Still do that to this day but it's harder to get alcohol now without a car. So I've been making my own wine. Does the trick but I have to time the batches right so I always have something strong available when times get rough.Had a few glasses yesterday. Same thing, had the bodily anxiety and uneasy feeling so I indulged. It helped, as usual. Feel like a demon who needs his poison.Used to wake up at 8am and go to the gas station first-thing to pick up beer for the day. It's been a battle for over 10 years now, being an alcoholic. I've managed periods of sobriety, where I go 20, 70 days without drinking. But then pick back up where I left off.Lately I've been able to keep it to only a couple days a week, but with the weather getting nicer and warmer out, I've been getting the anxiety more frequently, so I feel like I'll be drinking more soon. Still taking Suboxone, and I know you shouldn't mix the two but I'm such a nervous wreck sometimes that I need them to stay functional

Day 90

Day 90. My Mom is back up for the Summer and we had lunch today. She noticed how I'm doing way better mentally, physically and emotionally and saw that I'm in a much better mood lately. Still maintaining on Subs daily but honestly I think they do work long-term to keep addicts away from the bad shit.I've been working on a website, making digital art using AI, writing, taking photos and editing and even set up an online store these past couple weeks. Got my finances straightened out, redid my wardrobe and had some custom business products made to go along with my recent projects.She thinks I'm doing way better than last summer where I was drinking all the time and taking the 7-OH. I'm sleeping every night and my appetite has been monstrous. Gained 30 pounds over the last couple months but I feel good.Keeping up with all my therapy and medical appointments. Still talking to a couple friends almost daily.Here's to a better summer !

Day 85

Day 85. Was able to secure a loan today to clear my debts with the stupid cash advance apps that I dug myself into a hole with. I had three different apps going and owed almost $800. Now I can pay those off and some of my stupid Pay Later purchases that I've also been dumb with. I'll just have a small monthly payment for awhile but it's better than being down over $800 every month and begging my Mom to bail me out.Other than that, still on subs and haven't had any cravings for 7 or kratom. Haven't been drinking that much at all either (maybe a few small glasses of wine a week). Feels good to save my own ass and buy some time to figure stuff out.

Day 79

Day 79 (off 7+kratom). Still on Subs. Feel good throughout the day, no PAWS but still random anxiety sometimes. Doing pretty good not drinking, had a few the other night but sober every day besides that.

Day 74

Day 74. In the middle of taking my second Suboxone dose of the day. It's been helping me stay off the 7 and kratom by keeping my opiate receptors full and preventing cravings. No thoughts of going back to that stuff.My body has been regulated back to good health since getting on subs. Before that, I wasn't eating that much or sleeping that great. Had a lot of physical issues and suffered mentally because of it. Now I'm in a good place — good mood, no depression and feel good. A little anxiety here and there but I've also been trying to drink less (or not at all).I know it goes against code here, but staying on subs helps me more than relapsing back to the other stuff. Got another month prescribed — the recovery doc thinks I'm doing good as well.Not happy with the bodily changes that happened after starting the 7 last September. My skin feels hot now for no reason, especially since it's getting warmer out. Other than that, there aren't really any lasting symptoms.Onward and upward 👆

Day 72

Day 72. Did a little reinvention today. Artist formally known as Codakk. Just took my second subs dose of the day. Had an appointment to go over the subs today, got another month refilled. Working good for me. Keeping me away from the bad shit.Just gotta stay away from the alcohol. Easier said than done

Day 68

Day 68. Just took my second dose of subs for the day. No kratom/7 for 68 days and haven't had any alcohol for 3 or 4 days now. Still been sleeping great. Appetite has been strong too and have been eating a lot.Since I decided to stay on subs, I haven't noticed any real PAWS or anything. Mood has been decent, occasional anxiety but no depression really.Trying to make some moves to get caught up financially after screwing around with this 7 shit a few months ago. Currently borrowing a bit of change every month (cash advance apps) but am trying to bring that amount lower. Budgeting and spending less are the keys. If I can stay off the beers, that will be a big monetary boost as well

Day 64

Day 64. Slept great last night. Had a little alcohol but a lot less than my usual 6-8 beers. A few months ago I was waking up every couple hours to pee - now I can sleep uninterrupted for the whole 6-8 hours.Reaching a point of stagnation in my daily life. With the weather getting warmer, still not having a job or vehicle, I feel stuck. Want to make some moves but not sure how to go about it. Just hope I don't fall into depression and think about using again.Gotta be extremely frugal for a couple months so I can get caught up financially. Was spending a lot overbudget these past few months. Just kept seeing stuff I really thought I needed, putting stuff on Pay-in-4 apps and using cash advance apps. And it all started because I was being stupid before the holidays buying 7 and shit all the time.

Day 61

Day 61. Got a ton of sleep last night. Like 5pm-12am then 4am-9am. Taking a sub right now (first of the day). Been in a better place mentally the past week. Before that it was DARK. Been like that since I got out of rehab mid-January.Sun ☀️ is out, still cold but after this week it should be over. Blood sugar looks good, the new glucose monitor has given me more peace of mind. See the Endocrinologist for the first time in the middle of May.Blood pressure has been a little better since last summer, I take a pill 💊 every morning for high blood pressure (Valsartan). Still eat like crap (frozen processed shit, meat 🍖, dairy, grains and not a lot of fruits or veggies). Still drink beer most nights and vape a lot.No kratom or 7 for 61 days, and almost 0 thoughts or cravings about them. People around me notice I've been doing better. Gonna try cutting out the energy drinks. Had heart palpitations all last week but since running out of Monsters they've gone away. And I can sleep, which is crucial

Day 59

Day 59. Slept great, ate a bunch last night, the sun ☀️ is out this morning, just took my morning sub dose and am feeling good.My meth head neighbors got raided in the middle of the night last night. There's been violent yelling coming from their apartment the past week. Last night I heard a loud crash and then "Go go go!" The cops were going around knocking on other people's doors after. I've smelled what I believe to be meth come into my room from their apartment but never reported it.Got group therapy today and I hope I can ride this wave 🌊 of feeling good going forward

Day 52

Day 52. Insomnia has come back, largely in part I think due to returning to drinking (beer). Got probably 3 or 4 hours total last night, broken up. Lucky I don't feel too tired this morning.Have a doctor appointment later, going over blood sugar and I'm gonna mention that my heart has been palpitating the past 4 or 5 days. No pain, no signs of stroke or anything.Refilling the Subs today too. Been taking it as prescribed (3x a day/2mg). This dosage seems to be working for me.

Day 50

Day 50. Still stable on just subs. Had a night of no sleep the other night but slept decent last night and had a big ol' breakfast. Just started monitoring my blood glucose and have an appointment this week, most likely will get insulin at this point. I hope I'll feel more at ease once I get that straightened out.No 7 or kratom. No cravings either. Still having beers here and there. But that addiction is a lion whereas the 7 is a mouse. Opiates are insidious and I got a good glimpse at how dark a road that can be to go down. Would rather stay in the light.
drewid [VGS],

Day 47

Day 47. Still on Subs (2mg/3x day). Everything is good. Eating/sleeping well. Have been drinking beer a few times this week. Think I'll take another break after this pack is gone. Definitely think alcohol destroys my inhibitions to stay away from other substances. Had a "fuck it" attitude last night and I'm glad I didn't have any 7 or anything else in the house. Can see why they call it the Gateway Drug.

Day 42

Day 42. Didn't drink yesterday. Out of beer. There's a temptation to go pick up more but I gotta be careful with spending this month. Slept fine.If I go back down the alcohol road, I'll become dependent on it again for sleep, which sucks ass. Right now, I'm not so I want to maintain that. And the money spent on it adds up quick, especially when you're on a limited income.The Suboxone luckily helps a little with the alcohol cravings. It isn't even so much personal reasons for wanting to stay off 7 — it's more that my family and friends all turn their back on me when I go through periods of use. My immediate family is all down in Key West right now on vacation, but since I just got out of rehab they decided I need to be in a better headspace in order to join them.Yeah, the physical and mental side-effects sucked big time, but the biggest loss is the relationships. Even when I was an alcoholic I was still more accepted by them than when I was on 7.That's hard drugs for ya

Day 40

Day 40. Sleep and appetite are 100%. Bought a pill counter yesterday to help keep track of my Subs dosing (I'm on the tablets). I may have taken a extra dose last week, as I was short a tablet the day I refilled. My mental health team kinda got all worried about that, but I've been taking it as prescribed and keep up with my appointments.I did buy beer this past week, but I've only had 1-2/day other than the first night I got it (where I had like 6-7). I got my bike fixed so I was able to ride down to the store (don't have a car ATM). I hadn't had a beer since August. Gonna keep it on the down-low.

Day 38

38 Days off 7. Still on Subs. I feel regulated and am functioning really well lately. My diet is locked-in (I know what foods work for me now), getting some exercise here and there, taking all my meds as prescribed, and sleeping well every night.No WD symptoms or side-effects from the 7, and I didn't use kratom this time coming off of it.My energy levels are high, I'm in a positive mood most of the time, and everything is going well at the moment.No temptation to go back to 7. I did like kratom but for the sake of my support system, I'm staying away from it.Plan to stay on subs for the time being, as I'm in a good place mentally and physically and don't want to screw that up.

Day 32

Day 32. Slept like a damn log 🪵. Feel refreshed. Just took my first Subs dose of the day. We're in a good place, especially considering I was on 7 for less than a week this last time and didn't get above 50mg/day. Was sober 65 days before that.

Day 32. Felt extremely motivated today, 🌞 sun was out and warm air vibes put me into Spring 🌱 Cleaning mode. Lots of energy.Did laundry and put clothes away, got rid of a crap pile (old broken mountain bike with clothes draped on it) that had been sitting in a corner for the entire time I've lived in this apartment (13 years). Cleaned and wiped down the kitchen table (always used as a utility table/crap storage).Feels good to get rid of the old stagnant energy. Just had lunch and took my second Subs dose of the day (2mg). Feeling good.Been doing some redecorating as well. Got a giant tapestry of a library coming tomorrow to fill up some blank space on my wall ($18). Got some new couch pillows of Anubis and a couple new welcome mats (front door/slider door).Using this energy to turn my life back onto a positive track.

Day 31

Day 31. No cravings for 7 or kratom. Suboxone keeps my receptors full. I've given up alcohol for the most part too, still have a night or two a week where I indulge but I'm getting better about not needing it.In turn I've since become a shopaholic. Used to spend all my money on beer and then 7. Now that I have disposable income I've been recreating my wardrobe and buying cheap cool shit off Temu. I have so many Pay in 4s going across different apps that I'm starting to lose track.I've never been a gambler and I don't do sports betting/crypto, but the urge seems to manifest in overspending on stuff I don't need but want. It seems like everyone must have at least one destructive habit (I vape a lot too).If Facebook and IG could stop showing me custom-tailored ads for cool shit I want (thank you algorithm), that'd be great. Thanks.

Day 30

Day 30. Picking up my Suboxone refill in a couple hours. Going up to 2mg/3x a day from 2x a day. I'd notice I'd get cravings and want to dose early, as I was dosing 12 hrs apart. This extra dose should help me stay steady throughout the day with fewer cravings.Other than that, appetite and sleep have rebounded in a big way. Prior to the subs, I was barely eating and my sleep was shit. Was still messing around with 7 even after getting out of rehab and not having a replacement substance. They mentioned maybe trying MAT at rehab, but we decided to just go forward without it. Well, that didn't work. Relapsed after 65 days (28 at rehab)

Day 28

28 Days, 4 Weeks today. Been on Subs since quitting. My record with 7 is like 65 days, so aiming to beat that. Always used kratom powder in the past when quitting, not this time.The negatives used to be equal to the benefits with this stuff, now the negatives seem to far outweigh any positives I derive from that shit. Last time I had Cookies & Cream flavored tabs and just the thought of that taste makes me wanna gag

Day 12

Day 12, still on Subs. I don't mind the Subs for now, I actually like the relief they give me. Under medical supervision with weekly check-ins. Slept great last night, woke up feeling good. No alcohol either, Day 4 on that. More mental clarity and energy.Since starting 7, my record is around 65 days (lost count near the end). Went to rehab over the holidays for 7 and alcohol. No kratom at all right now. Just nicotine and caffeine which is widely accepted in the recovery community

Second week on Subs and I slept great two nights ago, but yesterday I went crazy with the caffeine as I'm giving up alcohol but still chasing a buzz. Was up all night but got a few hours as the sun 🌞 was coming up

Day 4

Day 4 off 7. On Subs now (2mg/2x day) and I feel good. No withdrawal effects. Easiest come-off I've had so far

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